I used to brag about how different I was from the rest, how none-basic I am and how highly I thought of myself. Then I moved out of my parents house and moved in with my sisters so that I could attain tertiary education. I’m nothing like my siblings, I am a liberal thinker and doer. I studied the arts, I appreciate the arts way more than they ever will and not just because I am the youngest but I am nowhere near mature nor do I intend to be.
When I moved in with my sisters, I thought that all I had to do was go to school and get good grades. I was so wrong! It wasn’t until I had to prepare for a final presentation for my Oral Communications course that I thought that I was becoming a victim of the Cinderella Syndrome. Like I was shocked that it was an actual thing and that I was familiar with several victims of it, especially in my family.
Maybe I’m not really a victim but it sure feels like it sometimes. I do not have social freedom living with my sisters, one might think she gives/ allows me to have my freedom but then I think she needs to revise the definition of freedom. Maybe then she would see why I take every opportunity to be away from her or stay in my room. I can say that I avoid making friends or having any form of relationship for several reasons. Reasons that exist because my decisions must factor in how she will react should she know about anything that goes on in my life. Let me say that again.
Before I do anything that should really only concern me, I have to consider how and what I do for myself will affect my sister. How my life as an individual, an adult female university student studying communication arts and technology, will affect my adult sister who provides housing for me. Am I ungrateful? I could be. But I still think I am in my right to be unhappy with my situation. In Jamaica we have a saying, “If yuh want good, yuh nose haffi run” translation- that thing that you want won’t come easy, you have to work hard for it, maybe even suffer a little.
I’ve died inside, I wish I could say a little but I quite think it’s a lot. But once there is life there is hope (I’ve finally used this cliche), so in light of a new opportunity that has presented itself because I took a different approach I am going to try to do things a little different from now on. Nothing unorthodox or too much out of my comfort zone.
For one, I can’t post everyday. I tried, but I don’t think I’m quite there yet. I haven’t given up just yet, instead, I’ll post whenever inspiration knocks me over. Yup, I need it that much. Next, I’m gonna doubt myself a lot less and procrastinate as little as possible. Which seems to make what I said before this redundant, I’m not changing that.
Oh boy, I haven’t even posted this yet and I’m making a mess of it. Alright, the third thing, I’m gonna put myself out there more. Be a cut above the rest, be the liberal young thing I am. Continue to love my art, embrace it, share it…grow. Appreciate myself and my thoughts as much as my peers and friends do. My programme director said it best…I can’t quite remember what he said right now but when I do I’ll drop it as a comment.
Does this make any sense? I hope so!
I’m only being creative today, no energy for confusion.