Broken by the Benefit of the Doubt

I’ve been writing what I hope will be my first book.

Thing is I haven’t been adding much to it as my new job kinda makes it difficult for me to write anything other than stuff for my job lately. I’ve just had a thought that may be a quick solution to this. I’ll either post to my blog while I’m on break at work or do some work on my book.

The book, by the way, will most likely be self-published if published at all. We’ll see how that goes.

Back to the topic…

I know my blog is all over the place but have you checked the name of my blog? Based on my bio I may seem a bit naive and optimistic, but the truth is I’m quite pessimistic. Well I know I am but the character assessments I’ve done say otherwise. But who knows me better than I do? Probably my mother-in-law.  Oh and the urban dictionary because they totally get me.

So according to the urban dictionary, I’m optimistically pessimistic…but I wonder if I could also be pessimistically optimistic. I don’t think that’s a thing as one would cancel out the other. Right?

Back to the topic…again

So I might just have given my book its title with this post. Here’s the thing, I don’t really like people but they don’t know that because my mother taught us to never treat people differently no matter what their situation is or how they’ve treated you or who they are. This doesn’t apply to my current neighbours though, I really don’t like them so I’ll continue to ignore and dislike them.

Back to the topic…seriously

For me, I give people the benefit of the doubt almost automatically and automatically it comes back to bite me in the ass. Thankfully not literally because I bruise easily.

Group projects- I try to take on new people to see their strengths and how I can include them in my network of creativity and confusion but they are waaaaay too confusing and lack creativity even though they told me they had what I needed.

Music-I hear a few songs by an artiste and I think oh their album might not be so bad, a can only listen to the song(s) that brought me to the album. I might have brought that let down on myself but isn’t that what the benefit of the doubt is?

Relationships-They talk their best game and I get sucked into their web of lies. I thought he was one of the good guys until he wasn’t. Like the guy, I wasted two years of my life on and all he did was suck the energy out of me. The others were easy to walk away from because I sensed the disappointment.

Snacks-A certain potato chip and their bag of air. Snacks that promise to be great and fresh but are stale and make me want my money back.

Giving people and things the benefit of the doubt is easy but its also hard. When your conscience warns you not to but you go against it and do it and regret it. Like the time I tried to go to my first ever after-school fete with my friends and got mugged. I knew I shouldn’t have gone because, (1.) I don’t like crowds and would not know what to do. (b.) if my mom found out she would’ve knocked me out because I didn’t have her permission to stay out late much less go to some fete where she knew absolutely no one who would be there and (3.) I’ve never had a birthday party or any party (even now) so what was I trying to do?

Needless to say, my ass has not been to another party or fete since. Except for office parties and I think that was like twice. Oh and the past summer when I was the camp photographer and worked the events. I learned that lesson the hard way.

Police officers- this comes from the way they treated me when I went to report that I had just been mugged. (I mean in the movies that’s what they do and I expected that that was also the right thing to do.) Yeah, the woman at the desk laughed at me because I was crying and looked like I wanted to beat the life out of her for laughing at me. She thought I was crying because I knew my mom would’ve beaten my ass. While that has some truth to it, I was really upset because that was my only phone, as a matter of fact, my bother lent it to me and it was a cool phone at the time and I knew I’d never get another great phone again just to teach me a lesson.

sophia Continue reading “Broken by the Benefit of the Doubt”


Me and who or should that be whomst and I?

If you spend four, maybe more for some, years in college and leave without establishing a friendship that made it through the toughest of times and will hopefully see you through some even tougher moments, what would that say about you? Should it say anything though? After all, this isn’t high school where it seemed necessary to have enough friends to at least make your social media presence worth the work.

Oh I can just recall my days in high school when Facebook was the hottest thing to be apart of.  Boy was I in my prime then… I would literally go to school and just wait for people to walk up to me and make some comment about something I posted. I remember the my first announcement on Facebook which shook my mostly my year group with tremors felt around the rest of the school; I had shared with my people that I was in a relationship. I had logged off so that the “peasants” could bask in my news and that was when my brother took his shot and stole my shine.

I can’t recall his exact words, but I do remember that they made my post even more interesting as he addressed the “young man” who remained anonymous. I think the guy even contacted me the day after and asked me why I had put him in the spotlight like that. He was even afraid that my brother would find out who he was. Haha! That was when I first realized how powerful my words were and vowed never to make another announcement like that again on social media.

That young man is no longer apart of my life neither are most of the people I had befriended then.

Now I use Instagram, Snapchat and Whatsapp and boy oh boy my words do get around. For my studies, a whatsapp group was created so that students can keep up with assignments and network. Assignments, job postings and gossip is the pretty much what we get into. Yes, myself included…funny enough, people always found what I said in the group to be funny or on-point or just plain savage, but they didn’t actually know who was saying it until last semester. I kinda had a gossip girl moment when my identity was  revealed.

The whomsts, yes I said that! The whomsts of my life is so diverse. I have created a  network of writers, editors, photographers, audio engineers, actors, chefs and connoisseurs of all kinds. These individuals will tell you that it was something that I either wrote or said that brought us together. This I am truly appreciative of, as I wouldn’t want anyone to recall anything too embarrassing to share with anyone else about me when they introduce or roast me.

No the point of a roast isn’t lost on me.

My whomsts, I intend to hold on to for as long as I can. These are the people who pull me up and push me to complete my studies everyday. When I have writers block, there’s always someone who needs their work revised and what could be better motivation than correcting another person’s work? It’s not what you think, they actually value my opinion and eye for detail, and they also know that this is my way of contributing to their lives…scholastically that is.

These whomsts will work with and for me in the future. This is networking, the friends I’ve made in college. They serve a purpose and not just to love and support me but to criticize and defend me. To grow with me and to everyday be a better version than the first version of themselves that I met the first time.

By doing for me, I do for them also. Its a special kind of relationship, where we don’t expect the extremes of each other and our expectations are fulfilled by our mere presence in each others lives. This is what we will use to nourish our relationship for as long as they will last.

I dedicate this post to Makeda; my creative everything and biggest whomst. The inspiration behind so much of my work and attitude adjustment. To the top we go!

Watch out world

This girl isn’t confused tonight…she’s just creative.


S.N. Carrie Underwood’s What can I say, was on repeat for awhile while I wrote this.



I think I have them too often for someone who is crippled with procrastination. I mean I keep telling myself I’m going to do better and do more; then I sit back and fold my arms and forget about it. There have been moments when I gave in and actually did something I knew would be worth it.

Take for instance my new summer employment opportunity. Of course I could say summer job, but that’s so basic and almost everyone has one. I call it summer employment opportunity for three reasons.

Reason no.1

I applied for a job by using a risky resume. Well not necessarily risky, but I used information I had received last year from my summer employer and it worked. What’s that advice? I thought you’d never ask.

The Assistant Human Resource Manager for one of my country’s biggest financial institutions encouraged my batch of summer mentees to rework our resumes and evolve from the regular black and white, to the paper that gets the first pick out of the batch. I did and I ensured that I did the second thing she said. I’m gonna tell you, don’t worry. When you apply to especially their company, on your CV or resume if you will, include or highlight what they want to see. They needed summer camp teachers with specific skills, I am a certified educator and I am also a liberal student. So I applied with a not very plain resume. Resume just click that right there.

It worked, I was called for an interview and was presented with the opportunity however not for the position I had applied for.

Reason no.2

During my interview, I realized that I was failing to connect with my interviewers. They didn’t seem too pleased with my explanations of what I could bring to the table as a teacher. So in the most random and quite impressive way I brought up another skill that I possess. I am a media student, which means that I have photography, videography, audio-visual skills and experience. It worked! I am now the camp photographer.

The downside to this is one of my worst procrastinating ever. I signed up for a free online photography course for four weeks. The time difference made it just terrible. I could hardly bring myself to get up at 2 a.m. my time to learn photography, so after awhile I would just roll over after hitting snooze 10 times on my phone’s alarm. You live and you learn. All that I can do now is apply what I have been taught by my lecturer and youtubers to get this job done.

Just a side note; I hope to document my experience here. Sort of a challenge to myself that should prove interesting and give my page more traffic.

Now I had to present a plan of action to the coordinators of the camp and once again I did the unexpected. This time procrastination came in handy. It all came to me on the day the plan was due…yup I waited until the day my work was due to do it. I hope to change that in future. Wish me luck! I decided to do more than just photography.

I shall create a digital newsletter using a particular software. It will be time consuming and frustrating but well worth it. Why? I need to make up my portfolio as an editor and this is my start. I can just feel it! I’ll be doing other things but I’d rather not go into all of that.

Are you still with me? I’m almost finished…I promise.

Reason no.3

When I was told I had been successful; i.e. I got the job. I was told to look out for a certain email. I was so shocked that I hadn’t been able to follow the telephone conversation at the time. But it seems I may have received another opportunity with the company, which could mean working with two sets of persons and bringing home two pay cheques. Hey a girl has to be hopeful!

By the way this second opportunity requires completing an application. You guessed it! I did not apply.

So yes, I consider these opportunities. These are not easy to come by where I am from. You especially have to know someone who can get you in. I was told this by an employment specialist. These events have been huge for me because it means that I got to this part on my own merit.

What’s my lesson? I need to do more, after-all, I’m doing it for myself. If I’m going to make it and blow minds, I better start from here down at the bottom and shatter my way to the top. That sounds weird but it makes sense.

My epiphany. I knew this all along.

Wish me luck!

As I am today your Inspired College Girl

What could be better?

These days just about every day I am caused to consider what could be better. Like what could be better than my current living arrangement for school? What could be better than undertaking my current studies? What could be better than being my age and without responsibilities other than my own self? What could be better than just about everything that I have? Right now, I ask myself what could be better than being locked in my room, listening to Ed Sheeran sing “Kiss Me” and writing a blog that reaches so few?

My answer? So many things. I could be out taking pictures of the sunset, or sitting on a beach with my toes buried in the sand, catching up with a friend. I could also be sitting with my mother watching TV or making her dinner for a change. Where was I going with this?

I could be doing worse too. I could be in Kingston, roasting in what feels like preparation for hell or lying in a hospital bed with thoughts of only the inevitable. But I’m not am I? Nope, I’m in bed writing in the hopes that better thoughts will come to me as I share those I currently poses. I might as well share some of them.

How seriously do we take our appreciation for life? To stereotype it all, enjoying life is travelling, partying, dressing in what we swear looks to die for on us and in doing all these and many others, we ensure that the world knows what we are up to? Why am I saying we though?

My travelling consists of my bed to the shower to my bed or the fridge. I’ve never ever been to a party in my entire life; the one time I tried to go to a party, I was mugged and that just totally killed my vibe. I don’t dress up, I’m in a big old sweater and t-shirt all day even though it is the summer and my room isn’t air conditioned.

I’m not complaining about my life. But, there are times I wish I did dress up and look like a human female who would attract male human beings. Suitable male human beings at that.

There’s nothing wrong with sharing with the world that you are able to live the life that you want to. I just think that in the moment you stop to share with people who wish you well, wish they were with you in that moment, wish they could do the things you do or have the experiences you have had, or those who just wish you wouldn’t…you wouldn’t everything. I think in that moment, you could possibly miss a moment that would have been so much better.

I know there are moments worth capturing; after all how else would we have memes or know what you did every second of your life. By all means share them with the rest of the world. But enjoy life more, so much more that you think about it and try to do it all over again so that you can do it even better. Bear in mind that not all things are worth redoing neither can they be accomplished a second time around.

So many things could be better and are better than this post. I should know, I’m thinking of a few. But this is what’s good about this, while I won’t check how many persons read this, I will go to bed thinking this was received by quite a few persons. Hopefully what will be better is my next post.

Do you think by sharing your moments with the rest of the world means you aren’t enjoying life? How do you know that you are appreciating life; your life that is…

I’m not confused, I promise… Just

Creatively yours

College Girl


I didn’t feel like proof reading this.