Why can’t I?

I’ve been meaning to write something or post something here for the longest time. But procrastination which has become my worst trait, got the better of me. What have I been up to?

Well, this summer I got a job as a photographer. I managed to capture some beautiful moments, meet people I won’t soon forget and visit places I didn’t even know existed. I can’t help but think that this is something that every person would want to experience at some point in their life, and as a college student it was just like a bonus that I received compensation for it. Would I do it again? I might…but with my own demands.

What else?

I’m now in my third year of university, (one more year to go…hopefully) and my creative partner has returned. She had to sit out a semester due to medical complications and I am excited to see what we will come up with this year as a team. She’s an amazing individual, who initially intimated me and has now become my confidante. I hope in future I will be able to introduce her on this platform and the others I intend to pursue.

What else?

I’m single now and sorta kinda wanna start dating. I’m hesitant for a number of reasons, my main reason is this, I don’t think I know what I want in a man or what I even want a man for? I can have my pick of them, trust me…but I don’t want to cheat them out of being with the best version of me. Right now, I’m not at my worst, but I know I could be better.

Anything else?

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about changing my lifestyle and image. I want to cut my hair off again, just so I can be free from the “burden” of paying attention to it. I was so free when I did my first big chop, everyday I wore a pink bejeweled tam to school. Actually I wore that tam everywhere I could and it’s still in good condition. Should I cut my hair again anytime soon, I don’t plan to hide under the tam.

I’m not finished with this one.

Also, I’ve thought about going back to the gym. My trainer insists and I’m begging him to change up my progamme; or I promise to become bored and miserable every time I set foot into his space…again. Along with this return to fitness, I plan to record my journey… for real. Like I’m in discussion with a production team and I’ve decided that this will be good.

You’re hearing it first.

I might call it Chien Chronicles. Chien is short for Chieniel and that’s what my family and friends call me. Oh boy; “Hi I’m Chi-eh-ni-el but nobody usually gets it right the first time so you can call me Chien”. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used this to introduce myself. Now I just shy away from meeting new people. Anyways, Chien Chronicles would be the video version of what I had envisioned my blog to be.

I’ve found that I have quite a lot to say and have been wasting my thoughts by keeping them to myself because I’m afraid I’ll offend someone but as a journalist it’s okay to offend sometimes, so long as you are speaking the truth…I beg to differ. (that’s why I can’t be a journalist). I wish I could just write them down and share them here, but I haven’t quite mastered the art of putting my expressions in my words. If you get what I’m saying.

I mean why can’t I just sit around my computer and type up what I’m thinking and how I feel?

Oh you mean like you’re doing now?

Who said that?

Why can’t I procrastinate less and push myself to do all those things I think about doing day after day? Why can’t I just get up, go to the gym, argue less with my trainer and squat more and get that workout done?

I’m stuck.

I was overwhelmed with so many answers just now, I’ve already forgotten what they were.

I can get up and just go to the gym and get my workout done. And I can procrastinate less and get more done. I can do so much! But deep down I have a fear that’s holding me back. I’m afraid of being successful. I’m afraid I’ll forget who I am too quickly. I’m afraid I’ll become one of the persons I criticize everyday. I’m afraid who I am right now isn’t who will be successful.

Why can’t I though? Who says I can’t?

Here’s to me! Taking on this challenge of proving myself to myself and introducing myself to the rest of the world. Will you come along for the ride?

Would you be interested in Chien Chronicles?

For now

I leave you and return to my thoughts as a tired and cranky

College Girl

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Fresh

EPIPHANY…

I think I have them too often for someone who is crippled with procrastination. I mean I keep telling myself I’m going to do better and do more; then I sit back and fold my arms and forget about it. There have been moments when I gave in and actually did something I knew would be worth it.

Take for instance my new summer employment opportunity. Of course I could say summer job, but that’s so basic and almost everyone has one. I call it summer employment opportunity for three reasons.

Reason no.1

I applied for a job by using a risky resume. Well not necessarily risky, but I used information I had received last year from my summer employer and it worked. What’s that advice? I thought you’d never ask.

The Assistant Human Resource Manager for one of my country’s biggest financial institutions encouraged my batch of summer mentees to rework our resumes and evolve from the regular black and white, to the paper that gets the first pick out of the batch. I did and I ensured that I did the second thing she said. I’m gonna tell you, don’t worry. When you apply to especially their company, on your CV or resume if you will, include or highlight what they want to see. They needed summer camp teachers with specific skills, I am a certified educator and I am also a liberal student. So I applied with a not very plain resume. Resume just click that right there.

It worked, I was called for an interview and was presented with the opportunity however not for the position I had applied for.

Reason no.2

During my interview, I realized that I was failing to connect with my interviewers. They didn’t seem too pleased with my explanations of what I could bring to the table as a teacher. So in the most random and quite impressive way I brought up another skill that I possess. I am a media student, which means that I have photography, videography, audio-visual skills and experience. It worked! I am now the camp photographer.

The downside to this is one of my worst procrastinating ever. I signed up for a free online photography course for four weeks. The time difference made it just terrible. I could hardly bring myself to get up at 2 a.m. my time to learn photography, so after awhile I would just roll over after hitting snooze 10 times on my phone’s alarm. You live and you learn. All that I can do now is apply what I have been taught by my lecturer and youtubers to get this job done.

Just a side note; I hope to document my experience here. Sort of a challenge to myself that should prove interesting and give my page more traffic.

Now I had to present a plan of action to the coordinators of the camp and once again I did the unexpected. This time procrastination came in handy. It all came to me on the day the plan was due…yup I waited until the day my work was due to do it. I hope to change that in future. Wish me luck! I decided to do more than just photography.

I shall create a digital newsletter using a particular software. It will be time consuming and frustrating but well worth it. Why? I need to make up my portfolio as an editor and this is my start. I can just feel it! I’ll be doing other things but I’d rather not go into all of that.

Are you still with me? I’m almost finished…I promise.

Reason no.3

When I was told I had been successful; i.e. I got the job. I was told to look out for a certain email. I was so shocked that I hadn’t been able to follow the telephone conversation at the time. But it seems I may have received another opportunity with the company, which could mean working with two sets of persons and bringing home two pay cheques. Hey a girl has to be hopeful!

By the way this second opportunity requires completing an application. You guessed it! I did not apply.

So yes, I consider these opportunities. These are not easy to come by where I am from. You especially have to know someone who can get you in. I was told this by an employment specialist. These events have been huge for me because it means that I got to this part on my own merit.

What’s my lesson? I need to do more, after-all, I’m doing it for myself. If I’m going to make it and blow minds, I better start from here down at the bottom and shatter my way to the top. That sounds weird but it makes sense.

My epiphany. I knew this all along.

Wish me luck!

As I am today your Inspired College Girl

New Approach

I used to brag about how different I was from the rest, how none-basic I am and how highly I thought of myself. Then I moved out of my parents house and moved in with my sisters so that I could attain tertiary education. I’m nothing like my siblings, I am a liberal thinker and doer. I studied the arts, I appreciate the arts way more than they ever will and not just because I am the youngest but I am nowhere near mature nor do I intend to be.

When I moved in with my sisters, I thought that all I had to do was go to school and get good grades. I was so wrong! It wasn’t until I had to prepare for a final presentation for my Oral Communications course that I thought that I was becoming a victim of the Cinderella Syndrome. Like I was shocked that it was an actual thing and that I was familiar with several victims of it, especially in my family.

Maybe I’m not really a victim but it sure feels like it sometimes. I do not have social freedom living with my sisters, one might think she gives/ allows me to have my freedom but then I think she needs to revise the definition of freedom. Maybe then she would see why I take every opportunity to be away from her or stay in my room. I can say that I avoid making friends or having any form of relationship for several reasons. Reasons that exist because my decisions must factor in how she will react should she know about anything that goes on in my life. Let me say that again.

Before I do anything that should really only concern me, I have to consider how and what I do for myself will affect my sister. How my life as an individual, an adult female university student studying communication arts and technology, will affect my adult sister who provides housing for me. Am I ungrateful? I could be. But I still think I am in my right to be unhappy with my situation. In Jamaica we have a saying, “If yuh want good, yuh nose haffi run” translation- that thing that you want won’t come easy, you have to work hard for it, maybe even suffer a little.

I’ve died inside, I wish I could say a little but I quite think it’s a lot. But once there is life there is hope (I’ve finally used this cliche), so in light of a new opportunity that has presented itself because I took a different approach I am going to try to do things a little different from now on. Nothing unorthodox or too much out of my comfort zone.

For one, I can’t post everyday. I tried, but I don’t think I’m quite there yet. I haven’t given up just yet, instead, I’ll post whenever inspiration knocks me over. Yup, I need it that much. Next, I’m gonna doubt myself a lot less and procrastinate as little as possible. Which seems to make what I said before this redundant, I’m not changing that.

Oh boy, I haven’t even posted this yet and I’m making a mess of it. Alright, the third thing, I’m gonna put myself out there more. Be a cut above the rest, be the liberal young thing I am. Continue to love my art, embrace it, share it…grow. Appreciate myself and my thoughts as much as my peers and friends do. My programme director said it best…I can’t quite remember what he said right now but when I do I’ll drop it as a comment.

Does this make any sense? I hope so!

I’m only being creative today, no energy for confusion.

Just the,

College girl.

Call it what you will…

As I write this, I am on vacation and I am at home and by home I mean my parents house. It’s funny how each time I attempt to write something here, the moments before I start up the website my mind is flooded with interesting thoughts, questions, inspiration, jokes. It’s kinda like that meme with Kermit the frog looking out a window at the rain and the caption says something about feeling like having your life together but within 15 seconds its over. Yeah, I can’t even get the meme right and I wanted to write about it. Oh well…

Here’s whats up with me…I completed my second year of University with absolutely no great achievements. Unless you count actually attending majority of my classes during the week. That’s major! I love the look on everyone’s face when I actually turn up for class, especially if it happens in the afternoon. What some people can’t understand is how I am able to maintain good grades and by good grades I mean A’s and B’s, with my poor attendance. I love to tell them I’m starting my own company, which by the way I actually am. That will be announced in due time.

Not sure who will receive this announcement as I doubt anyone actually reads my blog. Why should they though? I hardly post anything. That’s gonna change though…I am going to make an effort to write everyday.

I’d like to do something like that movie, “Julie and Julia”. I’m not gonna tell you about it, because I haven’t watched it entirely. I plan to rectify that as soon as I have posted this. I actually just watched an odd movie, “The Edge of Seventeen”. Odd because I can relate to the main character’s sense of humor, even at my ripe old age of 23. Would you believe I actually just stopped to verify my age? Thought I was 24 for a second and a half there, but that’s not for a few months yet.

Wonder if I’ll bring myself to do anything celebratory? I should go out more. And cool it with these run on sentences and fragments. Its amazing people come to me to proof read their work and value my opinion. Why wouldn’t they though?

No more rambling…although not bad for 385 words. Seemed longer to me. What seems long is riding a bus to school without headphones in to block out the noise of fellow passengers who either talk way too loud before 8 a.m. or the bus driver’s terrible music selection, even if its morning radio. I can’t wait to have my own talk show or morning show. Maybe not morning show, I’m really not a morning person and I wouldn’t want to lie to my audience. I think I’d be better suited putting people to sleep. I have the voice for that; flat and boring. I also know just the type of music to play and thoughts to encourage.

You must be wondering who thinks before they fall asleep. You do actually! Yup, unless you are one of the lucky few who pass out as soon as they position themselves to enter the land of sleepy bye. Before I fall asleep at night, I have cringe moments. Cringe moments are the seconds or minutes you recall embarrassing moments or experiences you’ve had. I usually cringe at things I’ve said that I probably could have done without, or things I’ve written in the past (grammatical errors really get me).

That’s another reason I don’t post anything, after drumming up the energy to write all that, I can’t be bothered with proof reading. Which should actually be second nature to me as a student of journalism and communication. Maybe if I write more and post them here I’ll improve my proof reading skills. Of course my writing should improve with that too, I just didn’t want to state the obvious.

This has to be the most creatively confusing thing I’ve written. Which is what I should be writing here. That’s it! I am going to write more creatively confusing…? I know you understand what I mean. At least I hope you do.

If my website brought you here, thank you for stopping by. If not here’s the link: http://chieniel.marshall.certhelpers.com/

Until the next post…

Creatively Yours

A confused college girl

P.S. I listened to Norah Jones while writing this, I think I sound like her…at least when I speak I do.